Perk and Poltergeists

Happy pagan-derived fall solstice holiday that's been so stripped of meaning by the marketing machine its original meaning is today even more watered down than diner decaf.  Thank the jolly Irish and their consuming copious quantities of distilled barley spirits for giving us Samhain (sow-win; Gaelic for "summer's end"), a time when they believed the dead would walk among us and guttersnipes would go door to door soliciting food, offering prayers for the dead in return—"souling," as it was called.  Somehow, masquerades got into this mix, and the reciprocity went wayside in favor of filling the plastic pumpkin with Reeses and running off on a sugar high.  Selfish darn kids.

But I digress.  Being a java junkie who digs ghost stories, the thought of a haunted coffee house seemed about as good as it gets, and wouldn't you know it, I found just that.  Despite the spooktastic strobe-lighted walk through it sets up in a storage closet, Bank Square Coffee House in Beacon, NY (about an hour north of Manhattan, and which I affectionately call Williamsburg North), doesn't need to do anything special to get in the spirit of the season: the place is apparently crawling with living impaired personalities.  Even having been to Beacon and the cafe (formerly the Muddy Cup) numerous times, I had no idea about any of it until stumbling upon this video—though the historical factoid bomb drop helps the place's unusual floor plan and ramp towards the back room, make so much more sense.  That, coupled with beans bought locally at Coffee Labs Roasters a dozen miles downriver in Sleepy Hollow country, makes a trip to Bank Square a Halloween season must.

Holiday Wish List: Part One

Maybe I'm selfish, or spoiled, or both—but with the cold front already blowing through town, it's a subject crossing my mind.  After all, what else is a young bohemian recessionista to do living a paycheck to paycheck existence off sometimes sporadic freelance jobs, aside from wear flannel shirts and anxiously await the release of the new Coldplay album?

Everyone's Christmachanukwanzakuh list should clearly include sort of caffeinated swag, if only a photo mug off Cafe Press you'll probably cry after inevitably breaking at some point in time.  But here's some better prospective presents to throw down on your dadstie.com universal wish list (a great gift registry site/iPhone app guaranteeing grandma sweater and repeat reduction by streamlining your wants from multiple retailers all in one place).

Bodum's Santos Stovetop Vacuum Coffee Maker
 ($89 at Williams-Sonoma)
It's affordable and sounds like Santa, what's not to love?  Siphon pots are in.  New Yorkers, the most shameless trend stalkers alive, think Blue Bottle (which basically brought them here) is the bombest thing in Brooklyn since IKEA opened in Red Hook, surely in some part because of these things.  Slightly less sophisticated than the butane burner Hario or Yama versions, it's affordable, works with any crappy apartment stove or hotplate and can be easily scored at your local mall.  Cool beans.

Kone 
($50 from Coava Coffee Roasters)
I've been truly trying to justify dropping half a Benjamin on a 2-1/2" diameter stainless steel cone.  I mean, just look at it—is it not the most sexy, minimalist piece of perk paraphernalia you've ever seen?  This metal pourover filter, custom commissioned by Portland's Coava Coffee Roasters, hybridizes a Chemex and french press by allowing aromatic oils and sediment to pass for a smooth but bodied brew.  Designed to fit the neck of most pour-over brewers, the Kone can permanently displace its paper predecessor, and despite the hefty price tag comes with the reward of being engineered and manufactured entirely in the US of A.  The unofficial Kone motto, etched on each one: "Designed in Portland, steel from Ohio, etched and welded in Connecticut."  (If the economy hit exceptionally hard this year, the Kone's basic functionality can be more or less roughed by your stocking itself.  J/K!)

PRODUKT
 [translation: Cheap-As-Dirt Scandinavian Frothing Wand]
($2.99 at Ikea)
I again must helplessly evoke my favorite fiberboard furniture-and-such superstore for income-starved yet stylistically demanding young adult consumers.  Save yourself or a loved one a few pieces of gelt and grab this Aerolatte alternative from the downstairs kitchen junk section, which forthcoming Cuppa Magazine co-editor Kristina Scoppa says "I absolutely love" and insists works as well as any.  It's a superb stocking stuffer—and even if it does break (hers hasn't, a few years in), it cost less than a latte.

Pound Bag of Handsome Espresso
($21.50 from Handsome Coffee Roasters)
I can't stop raving about this roast from breakaway Intelligentsia stalwarts Mike Phillips and Tyler Wells, which I discovered trying to score some Black Cat at a local perk point and being told it had been replaced with this.  Chicago's loss was clearly LA's gain.  To avoid going off ad nauseam on the subject, read my original review here.  Give me a pound, dog. 

Chemex
(Anywhere between $28-42 from pretty much everywhere)
A classic never dies.  The consummate pourover coffeemaker, developed by German chemist Dr. Peter J. Schlumbohm in 1941, seems little more than a laboratory flask with a filter cone stuffed down its spout, but it's cult classic design is virtually unchanged since seven decades ago—a bold statement simple is beautiful.  Today, it's offered in 3, 6, 8 and 10 cup varieties, and in a dishwasher-safe glass handle series.I personally call it the "sexpot," because as far as arousal by inanimate objects go, I think this one fills the cup.  It's even scored a spot in the permanent collections of MoMA and the Smithsonian, sharing space with the work of Henry Dreyfuss, Jonathan Ive and other legendary industrial design doyens.  Treat it well and this wooden-handled, leather-strapped goodness is also a guaranteed sound investment (I recently saw a gritty circa 1960s 6-cupper for $68—nearly twice the price of a new one!)

Stay tuned for Part 2—sometime between now and Black Friday.

The Hamptons: A Caffeinated Critique

The trees are turning, apple orchards crowding and hay-lined fields of orange oblongs have sprouted from every church lawn and vacant lot in sight. Despite being 80 degrees and the surfcasters still out on the beach below Montauk Lighthouse, it's unfortunately quite official: the Hamptons summer season has ended.  It's a fact I'm as reluctant to accept as the United States Government does recession or lingering double digit unemployment (which you can thank, in part, for this blog).  Nevertheless, now that I have, I embrace the season of cider donuts and the annual dusting off ritual of my It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown DVD.

Now with the busyness of boating and beach vegation subsided and yours truly now slowly regaining his concept of time, I figured, what better time to reflect and tease myself with what I'll be waiting another 7 months for by wordsmithing a summer caffeinated critique East End's premier perk points?

My family has had a home amidst this summer playground for four generations, and despite its fame for world-class restaurants, $20m Sagaponack sandcastles and Billy Joel sightings, this celebrated vacatia was until recently a relatively rough climate for java junkies, with only corporate caffeine or diner-grade dishwater to be had.  My summers became characterized by being rudely shoved into in line at the Southampton Golden Pear by Fabio-esque Eurotrash in man capris trying to pull off the cardigan-as-a-scarf look on a 90-degree July day or the broletariat en route to Neptune's—and you can bet your macchiato none of them ever said "excuse me."  Just way too many v-necks and blowouts way too early in the morning for a mediocre cuppa.

But the New York City coffee revolution rubbed off on its summer satellite location.  In the 1990s, Hampton Coffee Company and Java Nation established the South Fork's first real roasteries.  FourBucks and Panera Bread augmented diners and Dunkin' Donuts, and non-coffee centric establishments like The Golden Pear, Southampton Village Cheese Shop and Westhampton's Beach Bakery bought espresso machines.  So much steam did the gourmet caffeinated cause gain that, in 2008, the unthinkable happened: the Southampton Starbucks closed.  Two years later came Coffee Tauk and city stalwart Jack's Stir Brew.  Who knows what's next?

So don't be that shmuck standing in line amongst the tourist masses grabbing a green cup in a converted Bridgehampton bank vault.  Here's the best options to buy local and taste the best bean-soaked water the greater Hamptons has to offer (and the rest probably aren't worth mentioning).


We've Got Jack
Jack's Stir Brew (Amagansett)

And we couldn't be prouder.  This West Village institution, New York City's first fair-trade perk purveyor, established its easternmost location in Amagansett in the Spring of 2010 and completed the hipster fisherman-themed cafe in something like 72 hours from start to finish—almost certainly under the influence of certain bean-derived stimulants.  Even President Obama is said to have stopped in for a cuppa from Jack Mazzola's patented stir brewer.  Hardly just a 212 trend anymore, the third location makes its home in an eclectically decorated cottage on the south side of Montauk Highway brimming with maritime memorabilia, from dock crate tables to fish nets strung from the ceiling.  How about a Happy Jack (triple ristretto latte with fresh honey) over an organic vegan kosher scone?  The cafe is so chock full of piquant vegan and fair trade specialty foods it nearly doubles as an organic market, some so figurately crunchy they could make common granola seem as offensive as veal.  While I'll avoid ranking the remainder of my perk picks, I'll unabashedly name Jack's of Amagansett my favorite spot to score perk anywhere on the East End—and count it among my all-time favorite ever.  Year round.  $5 credit card minimum.

Beans to an End
Coffee Tauk (Montauk)

Montauk gained this minimalist-chic cosmopolitan coffee spot in Summer 2010, and it's earned a fast and loyal following from grommets to grandpas.  Set in a brand new digs on a quiet block between the beach and village,  it made gnarly first impressions with its punny name, drawn from 1990s Mike Myers SNL character Linda), flashy flat screen monitor menus and consistently poured latte rosettas.  But despite the diggable ambiance, the espresso possessed an overwhelmingly lemony bitterness of robusta that, no matter how hard I tried to like it, just wasn't working for me.  Perhaps it was growing pains, as this summer found baristas pulling smooth shots of Gimme! as good as any.  The cafe itself, a bright, well-lighted space with molded metal seats, is a slight throwback to mid-90s Silicon Valley cybercafe.  (Extra points for the hands-free foam soap dispenser in the facility).  Coffee Tauk currently serves exclusively Gimme! coffee, including their proprietary Fisherman's Blend, complimented by pastries from Mary's Marvelous in Amagansett and chilled selections from Il Laboratorio from Gelato.  My only complaint: the pasty case was empty by every afternoon visit I've made all summer.  Closed Oct-April.  Credit cards accepted.

Bene Here
Aldo's (Greenport)

Most local java joints are business ventures.  Others you get the sense aren't so much businesses, rather one person with a passion.  Meet the encyclopedic example.  Sicilian-born barista and biscottier Aldo Maiorana is somewhat of a celebrity in Greenport, sprinkling the air with sweet otherworldly aromas to lure locals and tourists alike into his labor of love Front Street microroastery instead of the Starbucks across the street.  From his hand-crafted coffees to doughy, fresh-from-the-oven scones, everything Aldo touches turns to perfection.  His artisanal roasts represent an innate mastery only understandable when watching him in action, as patrons frequently can.  Like a piano tuner working by ear, he seems to use sensory guidance, not methodology, to attain the desired results.  That apparent natural gift and unfaltering personal standards bring nothing but bold, stately flavors from every cup: eloquently pronounced, not overpowering and not in the least bit watercolor.  A step into his storefront, which sits seemingly at a slant, is instantaneous teleportation to a 1930s Neopolitan espresso bar.  There's no signs advertising free WiFi, and no smooth jazz.  A copper-domed Rancilio espresso maker, a relic of perk past where "pulling shots" was done literally—by yanking a handle—flanks the entrance, though doesn't get the per diem use.  It's fun to look at while you're waiting in lengthy lines of those whose noses also caught the baking beans or doughy, fresh-from-the-oven scones and rode it straight to the source.  After all, Aldo is an artist, and any impatient customers who can't appreciate that are welcome to cross the street. Year round.  Cash Only.

Estate Grown (For Those Who Own Them)
Hampton Coffee Co. (Water Mill, Westhampton Beach)

Opened in 1994, Hampton Coffee Company in Water Mill is a veritable cornucopia for breakfast bon vivants.  Located along Montauk Highway at Deerfield Rd, this converted auto garage compound is home to the company's roasting facilities, a full-service breakfast cafe, third party guest kiosk (most recently the Soft Serve Fruit Company) and most importantly, a to go-style espresso bar with a full line of hot and cold caffeinated beverages.  You're likely to spot the Southampton Range Rovers convoy lining up on Saturday morning, but not to fear: even the worst parking situations still beat the line at Golden Pear.  Once you're in, you'll be greeted by the greatness of their rich, bodied roasts, a sizable selection of Monin flavor syrups and a FourBucks-style menu boards.  Owners Jason and Theresa Belkin opened a second location in Westhampton Beach in 2002, and maintain a mobile unit dispatched to cater the caffeination needs ot the Hampton Classic and other area events. Most recently, a Hampton Coffee-branded espresso bar also opened inside Sag Harbor's hip LT Burger. Year round.  Credit cards accepted.

Bohemian Rhapsody
Java Nation (Sag Harbor)

Java Nation is a hidden gem, that welcome bastion of "Un-Hampton" your average tourist might not find—nor would locals want them to.  A few steps in from Main Street, the side alley microroastery, decorated only by a Diedrich drum roaster and painted burlap coffee sacks, is grittier than the glitzy Golden Pear down the block, but in every way more fit for the storied whaling town historically home to salty sea captains and John Steinbeck.  The concentration here is the coffee with little else to distract, which is great considering it's what you came for.  My average latte here has been more of a wet cappuccino—you won't wind rosettas poured in your crema—but the product, while simple in presentation, is unfaltering fresh.  It's more of a grab-and-go joint you probably won't want to linger in, but there's a few nice tables on the outside patio, and you can always imbibe over a walk down Long Wharf to gawk Jimmy Buffett's 180'+ "Continental Drifter" and the rest of the Cayman Navy.  Year round.

Half Caff
These spots aren't all about joe and might not fancily free pour with latte art, but they're all great, local, non-corporate establishments for a brewed awakening—and each a draw in their own right:

Tate's Bake Shop — Southampton (serves Aldo's)
The Golden Pear — Southampton/Bridghampton/East Hampton/Sag Harbor
Blue Duck Bakery Café — Southampton (serves Hampton Coffee Co.) 
Water Mill Cupcake Co.  — Water Mill 
Mary's Marvelous — Amagansett
The Village Gourmet Cheese Shop — Southampton
Beach Bakery Café — Westhampton Beach

For a taste of the Hampton's most unusual perk point, stop in Sag Harbor's Sylvester & Co., a postmodern 21st century general store complete with its own self serve coffee bar.  No espresso, but what did you expect?

Note: Unless noted otherwise, remember most of these fine perk purveyors do their thing open year round.  So if you're out east during the off season, be sure to stop in and show them some love—they'll be needing it.

UPDATE: Re-run!  http://westhampton-hamptonbays.patch.com/blog_posts/the-hamptons-a-caffeinated-critique

 

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." 

(Original instagr.am works—taken on an iPhone and uploaded from a MacBook)

National Coffee Day. Whatever.

Thursday was National Coffee Day.  What kind of coffee blogger trying to make a name for himself doesn't post on National Coffee Day?  A Jewish one.  Or at least, a half-Jewish one looking for a good excuse.

And since being half and half (something I never pollute my cuppa with, by the way) demands double family holiday obligations, I stuffed my Kipling duffel bag, pre-ground enough fresh roast to last the weekend and did what any good New York [semi]te does for Rosh Hashannah weekend: I headed for the Hamptons and indulged in glatt gluttony to sponge the very non-kosher Ruffino chianti from my stomach.

That—and my firm belief that to a true java junkie such as myself, every day is National Coffee Day.  I'll let my declared Facebook religion attest to that (I'll give you a hint: it starts with "c" and has nothing to do with a guy nailed to a cross).  So while I won't knock it, and say carpe diem to the marketing departments of my favorite roasteries with the mosteries, the mainstream declaration of yet another sales-driven fauxliday is pretty pointless to me at a personal level.

But after an extended stay at this summerland my family has stationed itself at for four generations, I'm ready to elaborate on the "sand" part of the blog, of which this 60-some odd year family tradition combined with a California upbringing are responsible for.  Stay tuned for an end-of-summer review of East End java joints from the lunatic who refused to stand like a shmuck in hour-long lines and settle for mediocre corporate cuppas all summer at the convenient FourBucks, even if it meant driving another 10 miles for a quality local fair-trade product.